| Finally! |
[Monday, November 24] |
Haven't been on here in FOREVER! Wow, finally. Finally things are right. Things are good. No, things are great! He makes me sooooooooooooooooooo happy it's ridiculous. I mean it took me forever and I had to go through few assholes to get here, but I finally found somebody worth while. Someone who makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. Someone that I know truly likes me. No if's, and's, or but's about it. He makes me feel amazing. I can't wait to see how everything goes!
P.S. Twilight was AMAZING. The end.
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[Saturday, August 9] |
I just finished a chapter, a chapter full of twists and turns. I finished the chapter between you and I. You were right, we should have never seen each other this summer, but we did it any how. I had fun while it lasted, though I wish it hadn't ended the way it did...inappropriate with a degree regret. I officially say goodbye. I'm glad you were in my life, but now it's time to leave you in the past where you belong along with everything else. It's time for a new start and what a perfect time for it to start with move-in-day right around the corner. So here's to the memories we share and the love that we once had. You've moved on and now it's my turn. Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye, farewell. Good luck with your life and may happiness remain within you.
Love you always and forever...
The end.
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| You complicate my heart, in a good way. |
[Wednesday, July 16] |
I rack my brain every night for the answer of what the hell is going on between us. You've only been in town since last Thursday and you have already managed to drive my heart crazy, sending it on a roller coaster up and down between whether or not I should just forget about you totally, try to just be your friend, or well... I don't really know what. I'm madly in love with you, but there is nothing I can do about that cause I can't have you. I guess I should have left that with the memories of last summer, but I can't because with every mention of your name, with every glance towards you, my mind is suffocated with memories of the two of us together last summer. The things we did, the things you said, the places we went, all up to the clothes you wore. Those memories intertwine with my everyday thoughts. I can't get you out of my head. I'm addicted, and for what, you have a girlfriend, but in the end that wouldn't even matter because when it's time for you to go back home, you will be over 5,000 miles away from me again. My heart will ache to see you, but a year will never pass quick enough, though it passes slower than ever when it comes to the healing of the heart. You will always be the my first love, therefore, I will never stop loving you.
I wonder where things will go this summer between the two of us. So far, the start is confusing, but worth everything that my heart and mind are going through. I'm a fool, a fool for you.
Wow I'm lame.
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[Saturday, June 21] |
I hate hating people, but I hate you so much.
There are so many things I want to say to you, and the only reason I haven't is because I am trying to be as nice as possible. But it's killing me. You have brought me back to my freshman self. You make me fake and that just makes me sick. I want to tell you like it is, tell you all the things other people don't have the guts to say to you. I want you out of my life, so get your own and be gone. Fuck you, you suck, you little FUCKING CUNT!
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[Monday, February 25] |
Life is amazing. My friends make the simplest things entertaining. Amanda, Kassi, Catalina, Coley, Gery, Weston, Justin, Gage, Glaze, and now Box all mean the world to me. They make the things I do with them worth while. I love them all. I will miss this next year.
1 day and 14 hours until I'm 18!!!!
This weekend is going to be AMAZING :]
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[Monday, February 4] |
My heart has been ripped from my body.
I feel embarrassed and betrayed.
My mind fills with the what ifs.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
My body aches from the heartbreak.
Will it ever cease?
Do the feelings you have for you first love ever go away once its all over?
Will my heart heal?
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[Tuesday, January 22] |
Dear You,
I miss you so much it hurts sometimes. I reminisce on the times we spent together, the things we did, the feelings that were felt. I long to see you again. I hope your return come mid-July will not be awkward. I want it to be like you were only gone a week. I want you to still have the same feelings for me as you did when you left, maybe even more. I love you. I'm IN love with you and I will never forget you or the things you made me feel as long as I'm alive. I want to know if you feel the same way too. Hurry with your response. Speak of only good things towards me. It's eating me alive not knowing exactly how you feel about me some 5,000 miles away.
I wish you happiness in everything you do and hope you are doing well on your tests.
xoxoxoxxxx,
Me
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[Wednesday, January 9] |
To you, the boy who complicates my life:
I have given you a second chance, a chance that I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have given you...and you are proving me right. All I wanted was for you to be mature about the situation and respect my emotions and you have done neither so far. You speak of taking me out one night, and then the next acting as if you are no longer sure if you can hangout with me. What is all this nonsense about? Why are you starting to do the same thing that you did before, say one thing that is wonderful to hear and then COMPLETELY change you mind within a 24 hour period? I have tried to be understanding and patient, but you are not making it easy for me lately. I just wish you could be mature and act your age. I thought that boys matured the older they got, but I guess I guessed wrong. Thanks for the disappointment. Maybe there was some miscommunication again or I'll just keep using that as my excuse for your mistakes until I figure out some truth.
Kimmy
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[Wednesday, December 19] |
Dear You,
I haven't heard from you in a while, and the times I have have been lackluster.
I hope you haven't forgotten about me or found someone new, although that is highly likely seeing how far apart we are.
I hope you are doing well.
I madly miss you.
xoxo,
Kimmy
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[Monday, October 15] |
Life is getting better. Things are slowing down.
Emotions are beginning to settle. I am more at ease.
I went to Athens today :]
It was lovely. We went on a tour and got to see hot college boys.
The weather was perfect. I just wish I could have stayed all day long.
I want to go there so badly now. More than anything else at the moment.
I hope and pray that I get in because to me, UGA is the epitome of the
college experience. It has the greek life, and the football team, the
large number of students and the amazing campus. UGA is everything that
I have ever dreamed of in a college. Now the only thing I can do now is
wait :[
i miss him.
cant wait till he returns.
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[Friday, September 14] |
im over and done with this shit and im about ready to quit and move on.
ive tried to make things right but it always goes back to the way they have been lately.
i hate what we all have become and i hate that we are losing touch our senior year.
doubt ill be going to homecoming with you guys.
bye.
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| well ive been thinkin 'bout the future. |
[Thursday, September 6] |
i'm suffocating in a sea of confusion and i am drowning fast.
how can one person who you haven't known for long leave you like this? yes, i knew you were going to leave and i wouldn't be able to see you for a year, but i got attached. not in that clingy kinda way, but in that you are so amazing i want to spend as much time with you that i possibly can. but when you left, you just left. yes, you said goodbye, and yes you left me a rose, but what does that all mean about the two of us? i know long distance doesn't really work, especially 5000 miles away, but letting me know how you feel about me and how you want to go throughout this year apart would have been nice. and i've asked about this and you just ignore the question (well so far). i just want to know if what we had can be picked up on when you come back or am i just a fool and should just totally let go.
i wish my parents would be more definite with me on what i am and what i am not allowed to do and what you will and will not do for me. yeah i know the main stuff, but there is to many gray areas. and when i turn 18, how will things be. to me, i see it being just the same and that is not fair. i swear, they just want to baby me for the rest of my life. that is bullshit. i want some fucking answers and i need to know them now.
i need to stop being so judgmental and stop being mean to certain people. i'm sorry if i have ever been mean to you. and i'm sorry if i have ever done anything to hurt you or make me dislike you. i just want senior year to be about moving away from the past and starting new with everyone. its gonna be hard, but hopefully i can make it happen.
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[Sunday, August 19] |
i never thought i would miss him so much.
i hope he writes soon....or something.
one year to go.
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[Saturday, August 18] |
i hate that everyone around me is leavind :[
i cant wait for next year.
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[Thursday, August 16] |
i miss you so much.
you took a little bit of my heart when you got on that plane and i wont get it back until you come back in a years time.
i wish time never existed so that you never had to go.
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[Thursday, July 12] |
im jealous and i shouldnt be. i was my choice to not go there and now i wish i had, kinda. but why so fast, why do you have to move so fast? it makes me feel like was nothing.
but maybe that was how i made you feel.
im sorry. i can feel it now. i can see it now.
lifes not fair. its to complicated.
i wish things were written in black and white.
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[Tuesday, July 10] |
did i break his heart? will he still talk to me? can we still be friends?
i know that i led him on and it was an honest mistake. my intentions were good, but then i realized that i couldnt go there again. i dont want to be committed. it cant be held down, im fine alone. im fine with just careless flirting. having just casual things with boys. a date here or there. but im not ready for anything more. i just want to date around, to be myself, to worry about myself, to focus on a greater good...not focusing on whether or not he likes me or if im being a good girlfriend.
but then i wonder, will i continue down this same path, making a 180 when he starts to take the bait? or can i actaully for once put aside my old habits and make things right with the boys that i encounter in my life. im ashamed of myself. i have to change.
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[Thursday, May 17] |
i like a boy.
it makes me happy.
im going to miss my gpa.
but he will be in a better place.
it is wearing me out, all the waiting.
that sounds bad. but the emotions wear me down.
i love my friends more than ever.
im going to miss my senior friends.
grad parties are going to be filling me schedule soon.
what to get them? what to say?
school will be out soon.
we will become the seniors of our school.
class of oh-eight.
mannnn that is scarry.
summer needs to come faster, sooner, and harder than ever before.
and i know that i dont want it to ever end.
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[Sunday, April 29] |
new friends. skate night, hanging out....and then there are the old friends.
the ones i call my best friends. will my two groups of friends mesh, or do i want to keep each of them for myself, never letting the other know about either. like im haveing an affair.
would it be selfish of me to do that, cause i think that is what i want to do. cause i like change. i want to experience new things. but at times, that makes me feel guilty, becuase the people that i have made so many memories with, will be left behind. but not to far.
i just need change. my life is getting to routine. i do the same things with them and i want something more. that is where my new group of friends come in. they mix things up, do crazy things, and their company just makes me smile.
i cant wait for this summer. i just want the freedom of no school, the ability to stay up as late as you want to, hang out with totally random people, do wild and crazy things, but mainly, just relax. but hopefully with the summer, things will turn around with me and my parents. i feel like they are suffocating me, not treating my like i am actually 17, but more like 10. they never see the positive in anything that i do, and they complain to much about me haning out with my friends. which i dont like, cause for once, i actually have people who want to hang out with all the time, where in the past, i never had that. i think they are holding on to much because im going to be gone soon. i do not like that. i would be a much nicer child if they just let go once in a while. they frustrate me.
i want summer to come so badly.
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[Monday, April 9] |
being sick is no fun...and sadly, but true, neither is missing the first day back to school after spring break.
i miss all my friends, but at least i get to see them tommorow.
hope everyone had a good spring break!
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pearlysimpson10's journal